Day 7

It is day 7 on our trip of new experiences for my 9 year old granddaughter and visiting friends and old haunts of my 85 year old mother. Mother is doing ok...her legs are bothering her (not to my surprise). She has a serious case of arthritis in one knee that has caused disfigurement and pain for years now. She has never said anything to her doctor which is something we need to change when we get home.

Traveling is hard on anyone but having a 9 year old along is a real blessing. She keeps us from dwelling on hurting feet and bowel habits, and negative conversation that seems to creep in with the elderly. Seeing the sights through the eyes of this sweet child is healing for us both.

Today, mother will be with friends for the day and Jenna and I will see the first oil well in the country. We'll ride a train for a tour of the area and spend money on souveniers for her memorybook. Ah....vacations are great!

Slow Medicine

There are times I wonder what it must feel like to be 85. Most of those times are when I take my mother on errands or when we take our 1 mile walk around the neighborhood.

Mother has begun using a cane some. I wish she would use it all the time, but she feels self conscious about it. She has a knee disfigured from arthritis and every once in a while, it gives out and she catches herself before she goes down. Any time we walk without the cane, I walk arm in arm with her. It's reassuring for her and I naturally slow down to accommodate her gait.

Slowing down is something we should all remember when dealing with seniors. I read an article online in the New York Times health section recently that talked of a book written by a doctor with his own mother in mind . The book called My Mother Your Mother embraces "slow medicine" as Dr. McCollough calls it. Dr. McCollough is a geriatrician and has several good ideas on the compassionate approach to caring for the elderly. Check it out and let me know your thoughts.

I Love You, Dad

Tomorrow is the third anniversary of my father's passing. He was quite a man, my dad. Not rich by monetary standards, but rich in all the things that mattered. Rich in friends, rich in talents, rich in family life and rich in God's love.
Growing up, my sister and I spent more than the average time with our father while mother was working. She was a nurse and took night duty while we were young. He took us with him wherever he went...to grandma's house, or my uncle's house, or another aunt's house. He came from a large family and my dad was a family man. Dad built the house we lived in and went on to build one for a sister and her family and a brother and his family. I can still see us in my mind...my dad driving with me standing on the seat of the truck in the middle (those were the days of no seatbelts) and my arm around his shoulder. My sister 2 years older than me was by the door. We usually sang songs most of the 10 miles home so my dad wouldn't have two sleeping girls to carry into the house. I found this out at a much later age! And I thought it was just for love of singing songs such as "Standing on the Corner" (watching all the girls go by), How Much is That Doggy in the Window" or "Hey Good Lookin!"
As the years passed, my dad played softball for our church team as well as an independent league. And he was the pitcher. He could throw hard, hit hard and run fast. I was totally amazed. That was MY dad! He and Mom were youth group leaders for our church for years and dad was always taking us somewhere, skating, bowling, or church. Dad and Mom always took us to church. Mom sang in the choir but Dad was a quiet kind of guy. He sat back loving the Lord and let others talk or sing.
Dad was diagnosed at 45 with rheumatoid arthritis. He continued to play softball until he was 51 years old. He was a fighter! He lived 37 years getting progressively crippled up and trying every pill or treatment for the disease the doctors ordered, many with intolerable side effects. Hydrocephalus was discovered at a late age and incontinence became the greatest insult to his dignity. Stroke after stroke didn't take him down but finally, at age 82, his kidneys shut down and he lay on a respirator for 2 days until my sister and I could get to the hospital from out of state. Once there, my mother had the doctors remove the respirator according to my dad's wishes. He was conscious with a scratchy throat and dry mouth. But the first thing he asked my mother for was a "mooch". He got that kiss and one from each of his girls. And more kisses as we sat with him.
If there is one regret I have, it would be not telling dad more that I loved him. I wish I had told him... he was my hero. In my eyes, he could do anything. He was larger than life! I was so proud of him and the way he lived his life. My mother is living close to me now and I am her caregiver. I won't have any regrets this time.

I've Fallen and Can't Get Up!

Many older people who live alone are capable of caring for themselves in many ways. They may take a little longer getting things done, but they are still able to fix their medications for the week, cook for themselves and pay their bills the same as always. Living independently is important to our older folks, in fact, the number 1 consideration according to polls taken by AARP.

At some point, getting around may be the greatest obstacle an older person faces. Many seniors who still drive a car have serious trouble getting into and out of the vehicle as well as ambulation difficulties around the home. Physical impairment such as arthritis make walking with a cane or walker a necessity. Vision problems and side effects from medications can make it difficult for the senior to function alone.

One of the greatest fears of family members and caregivers is the senior falling and not being able to get to a phone to call for help. Unless the caregiver or neighbor is in contact with the senior on a regular basis. a fall can be devastating with help out of reach for hours or even days.

Good News! There are services available for those who live alone! Medic Alert is just one of several companies who act as a go between with the person who has an emergency and the emergency services, i.e. 911. A person who signs up for this type of service chooses an emblem to wear in the form of a bracelet, necklace, or other item that is kept on their person at all times. In the event of a fall or other emergency, by pressing the emblem, the victim sets in motion the emergency response team. This can be a great reassurance to both the elderly person as well as the family. Of course, there is a cost for the service. Nothing is free these days. But the cost could be worth the peace of mind.