Support Groups for Caregivers

In the day to day life of a caregiver, maintaining a balanced life can be key to their sanity. It's not an exaggeration that caring for an aging loved one takes a significant toll on a family caregiver. If that person can learn to seek support and use resources when needed, it can make all the difference.

Support groups are a great way for caregivers to connect. Sharing stories and resources offers comfort and suggestions to aid in planning for struggles yet to come. Financial strain is a huge part of what many family caregivers face. As costs of health care and home care increase, they struggle with the sudden new costs they acquire. And many face the loss of work hours due to care responsibilities.

Coming soon is an online support group, the namesake of this blog, Family and Friends of the Aging. We have plans to not only serve as a sounding board for all in need, but to offer educational services as well. Stay tuned!

Privacy Please

Mom has always been a stoic person. It seemed to me growing up that she never showed a lot of emotion. I've realized in later years she felt many things but didn't verbalize her feelings. Now, I'm not trying to be a shrink, but, it's only natural to try to figure out what makes your own mother tick. Especially when it helps to understand yourself!

I have definite privacy issues. By that, I mean that what I choose to share with others, I feel is my decision. Now I know where that comes from! My mother is a very private person. Traits that I mistook for lack of emotion or uncaring, weren't that at all. Where the older generation kept "unsavory" family happenings to themselves, succeeding generations discuss these failings more openly. I'm not saying that I agree with the changes in society or that acceptance of these ideals is better than those of our parents generation. I do think talking about the problems of the day, such as caring for aging parents, is a constructive way to ending suffering and guilt particularly, that goes along with caregiving.

Caregiver - Is This You?

A forecast based on information from New York University, found that caregivers are twice as likely as non-caregivers to report physical and mental health complications. One in 3 caregivers uses medication for caregiving-related issues and depression in caregivers is 3 times greater than for non-caregivers in their age group.

Another report compared the healing process of caregivers and non-caregivers. Caregivers and non-caregivers were given identical wounds. Caregiver's wounds took up to 24% longer to heal than non-caregivers. Caregiver's immune systems were too stressed to function efficiently.

A lot of this stress is based on isolation and loneliness. Elder caregivers, whether they live in the same home as the cared for, or in separate homes, are often so engaged with the elder's needs – physical, mental and emotional – additonally their jobs, homes, marriages and possibly growing children, they clearly cannot find the time to take care of their own needs. Add that to the caregiver's drive to give the elder the best treatment possible for the time he or she has left – and you get tremendous burnout. But the caregiver seldom talks of burnout, for fear of sounding like a “bad” person. So he keeps it inside. Often, the short period of intense care extends into years, and by then the caregiver is so engulfed in the routine of 24/7 caregiving that she can't get out. This self-neglect leads to a feeling of isolation and loneliness, even when the caregiver is surrounded by people.

A caregiver often feels as if she has no more to give. She will give and give until she is empty. Anger, often turned inward and hidden, turns to resentment. Resentment eats at the emotions of the caregiver. And the downward spiral continues, often leading to physical and emotional illness.

The simplest things can help. A couple of hours to spend bicycling, with mom being watched by a trusted friend, can help "Dan" feel cared for, thus breaking the cycle, for a time. An evening out with friends can refresh "Sue" an adequate amount so she can provide loving care another day without feeling completely depleted at the start. Sound good? There is just one problem!

The problem, of course, is in the nuts and bolts. Where do we find this relief?? Friends may provide help in emergencies, but they don't look at your day-in-day-out caregiving as an emergency. They see it as your life.

This is where parish nurse programs, block nurse programs, social services, churches, synagogues and non-profits fit in. As our country has fought (and still is struggling) to provide adequate child care, we need to find respite care for the millions of caregivers who are themselves getting sick from stress, loneliness and isolation. Give them a chance to attend group meetings where others are going through the same things. They understand and everyone can blow off steam.

A church group would be a good place to start to find those who have a couple of hours to give, and match them with a caregiver who doesn't seem to have a second alone. Block nurse programs train volunteers to do just that. Yet, caregivers are often too stressed to even search or ask for help. Check your phone directory for the local area on aging, as well as the listings in your local newspapers. Most news sources will have a section on support groups and other resources that just may save your life.

Shopping with Mom

If you are a caregiver responsible for taking your loved one grocery shopping, I feel for you.

My mother always makes a list, not always a complete list but most items are there. Today, the list was longer than normal. Fortunately, I wasn't buying groceries for my family. It's been a little over two years that I've been driving my mother on errands, and I've learned that it just doesn't work to do my shopping at the same time. I usually take her list and go up and down the rows, pointing out what she wants, then step back and allow her to reach for things and look at the products, moving on when she is ready.

In the past, we tried just going to the items she intended to buy. Bad idea. Inevitably, she remembered something she wanted 2 rows back and I ended up running around the store like a crazy woman, trying to get back to her before she moved on and I couldn't find her! Yes, that's happened several times. And inspite of my best laid plans, it happened today.

How she got from the cereal aisle to the produce section so quickly is beyond me! She and I feel more comfortable when she is holding onto the cart. She must have felt secure because when I caught a glimpse of her, she was moving at quite a good clip! When I caught up with her, she calmly informed me she had come to meet me so I didn't have to backtrack. I didn't have the heart to tell her she had turned the wrong way from where I was at the other end of the store! Just another day in the life of this mother and daughter! I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Taking a Break From Caregiving

Taking a break from caregiving can be a double edged sword, so to speak. In my case, I am at a mountain retreat awaiting the arrival of my children and grandchildren. My oldest grandson is on spring break next week, so the vacation has been scheduled around that time. My son and his wife also have a 3 month old daughter I can't wait to get my hands on! My daughter and granddaughter will arrive later in the week as she is a teacher and their school is not on spring break yet. But we will all be together, enjoying a wonderful time...while great grandma is at home.

While I am physically taking a break from caregiving, my mind is trying to catch up and take a break as well. Yet, my mother is on my mind even though I know she has responsible people nearby and I talk with her daily. I had a few moments before I left where I felt I should take her with me, but several things were against that. The location for one, sleeping arrangements, two, and I needed a break, three.

I'm looking forward to the week ahead and once everyone arrives, surely my mind will store all the joys and happiness in place of the worries about my mother. And throughout the week, when I checkin with her, I can report on the games we're playing, the places we've been, and the smiles on my tiny granddaughter's face. And I'll be sure she knows how much I love her.

More later!

Can't Sleep

Once in a while my mother will talk about waking in the night and not being able to go back to sleep. Her mind just keeps going from one thing to another, she says. Tonight is my night.
With so many things going through my mind, what better time to get up and work!

I am making my first attempt at putting a website together and have found learning piecemeal is not easy. The website is for this blog's namesake, Family & Friends of the Aging. We're a 501(c)3 non-profit organization, newly organized and funded, so far, by me. Now, that was alright until the bottom fell through in the housing market, which in turn, affected my "real job". Being self employed, plus my clients in some part of the construction industry, equals very little work for me since July of 2007. Thus, the reason I am doing the website!

I invested in Microsoft Expression Studio, thinking it would magically put a site together for me. I was so wrong! I think I may be making it harder than it has to be, and while I AM making some progress, it just isn't coming together fast enough to suit me.

I admit, I have another motive for successfully getting FFAI online. As a caregiver, a 9 to 5 job is out of the question. I must have flexibility in my hours and being self employed has worked beautifully to this point. For myself and other caregivers who need to pay the bills, I am investigating internet marketing. Making money online has taken a pretty bad wrap from what I've read, but there are some legitimate ways out there. Once I sift through a few more "opportunities", I hope to use what I've found for myself as well as pass on the information to the caregiver community. If anyone out there has any information on online money making scams, please let me know so I can avoid them in my search. On the other hand, if you know of any legitimate ways to make money online, please let me know that as well.

I'm going back to bed.

What is Long Distance Caregving?

Long-distance caregiving takes many forms—from helping manage the money to arranging for in-home care; from providing respite care for a primary caregiver to helping a parent move to a new home or facility. Many long-distance caregivers act as information coordinators, helping aging parents understand the confusing maze of home health aides, insurance benefits, and durable medical equipment.

Caregiving is often a long-term task. What may start out as an occasional social phone call to share family news can eventually turn into regular phone calls about managing health insurance claims, getting medical information, and arranging for respite services. What begins as a monthly trip to check on Mom may turn into a larger project to move her to a nursing facility close to your home.

If you are a long-distance caregiver, you are not alone. Approximately 7 million adults are long-distance caregivers, mostly caring for aging parents who live an hour or more away. Historically, caregivers have been primarily mid-life, working women who have other family responsibilities. That’s changing. More and more men are becoming caregivers; in fact, men now represent over 40 percent of caregivers. Clearly, anyone, anywhere can be a long-distance caregiver. Gender, income, age, social status, employment—none of these prevent you from taking on caregiving responsibilities.

Retirement Planning for Caregivers

The number of caregivers in the United States is growing daily. And guess what folks? Most of the caregivers are themselves approaching retirement age. Yes, that's right. We are the Baby Boomers the media talk about.

How many caregivers have plans for their "golden years"? Retirement planning is more than travel plans and how much money is in our 401K. While these are important issues, caring for an aging parent should be a clear reminder to get several important documents in order for ourselves. A Power of Attorney, Living Will, Healthcare Power of Attorney and personal Will are what immediately come to mind. If you already have them in place, make certain they have been updated in keeping with important events in our lives. This would be births, deaths, divorces, remarriages, and job changes to name a few. In addition to your attorney, talk with your accountant or financial advisor if you have one. Tax strategies can change as we reach retirement and tax brackets adjust.

Now is the time to take a serious look at long term care insurance to see if it is right for you. As with any insurance, the time to purchase it is when you don't need it. Once you do, it's too late. Also, check with your insurance advisor to update beneficiaries if necessary.

So, fellow caregivers, I hope I've put a bug in your ear to get busy and begin getting your house in order. And to those who are way ahead of the game, Kudos!

The Financial Strain of Caregiving

One of the big issues for caregivers of the elderly is making a living while providing care. Many family caregivers provide daily services such as transportation to doctors or grocery shopping while maintaining a full time job. As the loved one ages or illness dictates, more and more time is needed for dispensing medications, cleaning & doing laundry, or just companionship. The caregiver may find herself or himself arriving late for work or taking time off for appointments more than "the boss" feels necessary. Wages could be docked for missed time , or worse, termination of the employee.
The long distance caregiver has a different dilemma, but as potentially financially crippling as the local caregiver. Trips to visit the loved one can be costly flying or driving. Once there, the caregiver often pays for overlooked or needed items. If the trip was initiated by a crisis, a fall and hospitalization perhaps, the caregiver may have taken emergency leave to be at the bedside of the loved one. The Family and Medical Leave Act is a good thing but the leave is WITHOUT PAY. Not everyone is covered under this act and not everyone can leave a job for any length of time without pay. (see more on FMLA at www.dol.gov/esa )
Caregivers in the workplace as well as those not in the workplace are looking to replace or add to their income. I am one of those caregivers who left the corporate world 5 years ago. I was a long distance caregiver who is now a local caregiver. Flexible time is the only option for me. I have found through starting my own business that it CAN work. As our economy changes, I've been researching legitimate work-at-home options and will have more on that to offer other readers of this blog. I'd love to hear from anyone who can help in my research of things tried or that you know is legitimate for others to make money working from home.

Coping with a job and the needs of aging parents

Being a caregiver isn’t easy, as any of us can tell you. One of the greatest pressures is the need to be earning an income for our own family just as our parents or other aging relatives need more and more hands-on help.

At Family & Friends of the Aging, we’re compiling opportunities for flexible or alternative-type jobs that will allow a caregiver to continue earning an income while caring for his or her own aging family members.

Here’s one idea that may help you meet both of those objectives. If there isn’t an adult day care in your area, consider starting one. There could be many benefits to you and the seniors who attend, as well as to your own aging parents.

Check out this suggestion, and be sure to share with us how you cope with the pressures of a job AND caring for the elders in your family.

http://www.positivemoneyideas.com/idea.php?ideaID=465&moneymakingidea=Adult-Day-Care