It's Hard to Find Good Help

As the months go by, I am encouraged by professionals and organizations sprouting up across the country and taking an active interest in our aging society.

When I left my 9 to 5 job several years ago, I intended to run my business and act as a care coordinator for the elderly. As a long distance caregiver myself, I knew the challenges of finding dependable, honest and knowledgeable help. What I discovered was that everyone thought of me as a social worker and most of the services I provided went unpaid. Geriatric case managers have increased in numbers since then (at approximately $75 to $250 an hour, depending on the location). Many organizations are available for online information as well. But the affordable care coordinator still remains illusive to the majority of families who desperately need the services.

My advice to those searching for affordable care and in home service is to ASK FOR and CHECK REFERENCES. Even if the person or business is just starting out in eldercare, check references from a previous employer, minister or neighbor. Someone must know them well enough to say they are honest and dependable. If not, DO NOT HIRE THEM!
It is sad to say, but too many people take advantage of our elderly or abuse them in physical ways which never get reported until much later. Check on your loved one frequently and if you are unable to do it yourself, ask someone you trust to check on them for you. If you belong to organizations or church groups, ask people you know for referrals. It's one of the best ways to do business and get the best care for your loved one.

Coming Soon: Family & Friends of the Aging Online Support Group. We'll have members from across the country, referrals in all areas and the support you need! Stay tuned!!

What is Long Distance Caregving?

Long-distance caregiving takes many forms—from helping manage the money to arranging for in-home care; from providing respite care for a primary caregiver to helping a parent move to a new home or facility. Many long-distance caregivers act as information coordinators, helping aging parents understand the confusing maze of home health aides, insurance benefits, and durable medical equipment.

Caregiving is often a long-term task. What may start out as an occasional social phone call to share family news can eventually turn into regular phone calls about managing health insurance claims, getting medical information, and arranging for respite services. What begins as a monthly trip to check on Mom may turn into a larger project to move her to a nursing facility close to your home.

If you are a long-distance caregiver, you are not alone. Approximately 7 million adults are long-distance caregivers, mostly caring for aging parents who live an hour or more away. Historically, caregivers have been primarily mid-life, working women who have other family responsibilities. That’s changing. More and more men are becoming caregivers; in fact, men now represent over 40 percent of caregivers. Clearly, anyone, anywhere can be a long-distance caregiver. Gender, income, age, social status, employment—none of these prevent you from taking on caregiving responsibilities.

To Be or Not To Be...Guilty, that is

Living thousands or even hundreds of miles from your elderly parents can be like living on another planet. Independence is of primary importance with many older people. . So much so, they may not tell you over the telephone when something is wrong. Unless you are very good at detecting small changes in their voices or noticing a change in schedule and other deviations in their daily lives, parents can fool their family into believing all is well.

Why would they do that? Most say they just don't want the kids to worry. They know it is hard for the family member to drop everything to get to them and expensive to boot! But do they recognize the guilt their children experience at not being there for Mom and Dad? Could be another very good reason for not telling them. If they don't know, how can they feel guilty? Too bad it doesn't work that way.

I know myself that in the days when I was a long distance caregiver, the feeling of guilt because I could not be there got overwhelming at times. Part of that, too, was because I could not find services available for help at their home. Fortunately, times have changed and even in their small town, services have increased. The Administration on Aging is responsible for a website called Eldercare Locator. Eldercare Locator is a resource for state and local agencies that could be the answer to your prayers. The office can be reached by telephone as well at 800.677.1116.
I'll be discussing more on where to go for assistance in subsequent posts. In the meantime, be good to yourself. Guilt only wears you down.

The Financial Strain of Caregiving

One of the big issues for caregivers of the elderly is making a living while providing care. Many family caregivers provide daily services such as transportation to doctors or grocery shopping while maintaining a full time job. As the loved one ages or illness dictates, more and more time is needed for dispensing medications, cleaning & doing laundry, or just companionship. The caregiver may find herself or himself arriving late for work or taking time off for appointments more than "the boss" feels necessary. Wages could be docked for missed time , or worse, termination of the employee.
The long distance caregiver has a different dilemma, but as potentially financially crippling as the local caregiver. Trips to visit the loved one can be costly flying or driving. Once there, the caregiver often pays for overlooked or needed items. If the trip was initiated by a crisis, a fall and hospitalization perhaps, the caregiver may have taken emergency leave to be at the bedside of the loved one. The Family and Medical Leave Act is a good thing but the leave is WITHOUT PAY. Not everyone is covered under this act and not everyone can leave a job for any length of time without pay. (see more on FMLA at www.dol.gov/esa )
Caregivers in the workplace as well as those not in the workplace are looking to replace or add to their income. I am one of those caregivers who left the corporate world 5 years ago. I was a long distance caregiver who is now a local caregiver. Flexible time is the only option for me. I have found through starting my own business that it CAN work. As our economy changes, I've been researching legitimate work-at-home options and will have more on that to offer other readers of this blog. I'd love to hear from anyone who can help in my research of things tried or that you know is legitimate for others to make money working from home.

A closer look at Mom and Dad

How the holidays have changed for those of us whose aging parents live more than a thousand miles away.

Although I talk with my own mom nearly every day by phone, there’s nothing like a personal visit to give me the real picture of just how she’s doing—how forgetful she’s becoming, how she’s getting along physically.

The Lawrenceville, Kansas Journal-World offers some excellent suggestions for children of aging parents, including how to recognize certain problems and what to say and do.

It’s difficult to be so far away from the ones you love and respect, and I’m fortunate that my sister, in the same town, is caregiver to my mother. It gives me peace of mind but doesn’t negate my own responsibility.

For now, that has pretty much become daily phone calls giving Mom a chance to talk as her physical limitations begin to impact how much she can socialize with others.

As we look ahead to a year of uncertainty, I can only say: Thanks, Sis, and happy New Year, Mom.

--Alene Archer, Board Member--Family & Friends of the Aging

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2007/dec/24/gatherings_afford_chance_ensure_mom_dad_doing_ok/?city_local