Signs of Dementia

The early signs of dementia are subtle and vague, and may not be immediately obvious. They say signs of dementia are often mistakenly viewed as part of the normal aging process. Lack of health screening programs may mean early signs of dementia are missed, or attributed to other aspects of learning disability, and opportunities for potentially useful health and social care interventions are lost.

Memory loss is a very broad term that can mean any deficit in memory function. Memory loss is a common health complaint particularly in the elderly. The most vulnerable parts of the brain are those used for memory and for planning, organising and judgement, social skills and balance. At first, memory loss and trouble thinking clearly may bother the person who has dementia. Dementia affects a person's memory and concentration, and this in turn affects their judgement. Other symptoms include personality change, memory disturbance, slurred speech, impaired judgement and psychiatric problems.

Dementia causes many problems for the person who has it and for that person's family. If your family member has some of the signs of dementia, try to get him or her to go see a doctor. Physicians may begin a dementia workup or exam when the patient's family brings concerns about symptoms or behavioral signs to their attention. Keep in mind, examination of a will and terms of a living will are in order at this time. Also see to the execution of a power of attorney.

When Are The Driving Days Over?

My family is very important to me. Just as when my children were young, now I am concerned about my elderly parent and in-laws.
We are at the crossroads of how to get my father-in-law to stop driving. In all my years of dealing with the elderly, somehow things don't always work out the way experts advise. And I'm one of the experts! So when are the driving days over?

My 88 year old father-in-law became disoriented this afternoon on his way to our home. He and my mother-in-law left home at 4:05 pm, were to pick up a pizza and be to our home easily by 5:00 pm. At 5:45, my husband left to look for them, thinking they may have had a flat tire or some other car problem. His parents arrived at 6:00 pm, shakey but none the worse for wear. I came to find out he had passed our street several times and gotten "lost" in a school parking area. Yes, it sounds preposterous but it's true.

In his own words, my father-in-law said " I think my driving days are over". If it's only that easy. I'll see it when I believe it.

Medicare Plans Coming Around Again

Economic times have been hard on everyone, but especially the senior citizen on a fixed income. Although it is only the end of August, in two and a half months, the hype will start on Medicare health plans.

Many seniors are aware of Medicare and Medicare Supplements. The government supplies Medicare(which you have already contributed to)and Medicare Supplements are private companies plans approved for sale to the over age 65 population to pick up the 20% not covered under Medicare. That is a rough explanation, by the way. For a more detailed explanation, go to www.medicare.gov.

The reason I mention the elderly and Medicare plans coming into view November 15th, is because the confusion continues...not always due to poor explanations on the part of the plan companies, but due to the fact the elderly plainly cannot comprehend the complicated details of what is covered and how the deductibles work. The Medicare Advantage Plans further add to the confusion. I do, however, think these plans are definitely worth the time to figue them out.

Once again, let me say, it is NOT all the fault of the insurance companies. Granted, they need to get their act together sooner rather than later. Meaning, talking about what is available and changing details time after time before the end of each calendar year is unacceptable. Also,someone in Medicare needs to make a decision on approving these plans sooner then December of each year!

Let's see what happens in 22 1/2 months.

The Cat, Not Me!

Recently, I am not only caring for elderly parents but an elderly cat as well. I can say one thing for the parents, at least they can talk to me so that I can understand!

Our almost 20 year-old cat has been missing the litter box lately. Not only was a tropical storm approaching, but the cat had an appointment with the vet! Fun times. Luckily, the appointment was for Saturday afternoon when "daddy" could hold her...she's a one man cat you know. Other then kidney problems with old age, she is doing remarkably well. No diabetes, no bladder infection. As with other seniors, she is simply getting older. Incontinence is a problem with humans and animals in old age.

Hope I don't see you there.

Is Anyone Listening?

This weekend has been restful. I needed it. My mother needed it as well. I think she is missing the attention though as many elderly do. After all, 17 days with someone always with you, attending to your needs, bringing breakfast, helping you dress, walking with you every step to make sure you are steady. It must be quite an adjustment when you are back to living alone. My mother likes attention and she likes talking. I believe that is what she misses most...talking. Knowing someone is paying attention to what you say. Someone hears you.

Thank you, God, for hearing my mother, and for hearing me.

Day 7

It is day 7 on our trip of new experiences for my 9 year old granddaughter and visiting friends and old haunts of my 85 year old mother. Mother is doing ok...her legs are bothering her (not to my surprise). She has a serious case of arthritis in one knee that has caused disfigurement and pain for years now. She has never said anything to her doctor which is something we need to change when we get home.

Traveling is hard on anyone but having a 9 year old along is a real blessing. She keeps us from dwelling on hurting feet and bowel habits, and negative conversation that seems to creep in with the elderly. Seeing the sights through the eyes of this sweet child is healing for us both.

Today, mother will be with friends for the day and Jenna and I will see the first oil well in the country. We'll ride a train for a tour of the area and spend money on souveniers for her memorybook. Ah....vacations are great!

Keep the Faith

As each day goes by, I think about what options we have if my mother's health declines or just what the best living arrangement is for her. Wealthy aging parents in good health don't pose such a problem...not that mother is a problem. But things need to be seen as they are. Reality is often hard to swallow.

In my mind, I have planned for everything. Financially, we are limited to the size of our home or what we can afford for long term care, should that become necessary.
We don't talk about it all the time, but several times, Mom has voiced her greatest fear, that of running out of money. This is typical of the elderly, but I try to reassure her that as long as I am livng, she will be cared for.
Like many others, my faith keeps me strong.

On Vacation

This is it...the night before we leave on vacation. A ten hour drive with two elderly people in the car requires a little finesse. Maybe a lot of finesse. We have hearing problems, temperature control issues and just plain different travel styles than the older generation.

I went to the local library and borrowed several books on CD. My mother-in-law especially, cannot enjoy the scenery as she is legally blind with macular degeneration. It has to be hard to just sit alone with your thoughts day after day. I hope she (and everyone else)will enjoy the humorous mysteries I picked up to help pass the time. If I'm not driving, I like to read. So I know I will enjoy being read to, so to speak!

I intend to be online unless the connection isn't good. I'll let you know how it's going.

Not Yor Mamma, Mother

I just had a "venting session" with my husband about an episode with my mother today. When did I become the parent? Well, maybe I'm not totally there yet, but it's certainly progressing that way.

Let me start this by saying how thankful I am that my mother has been cognizant of the issues that beset the elderly, such as the inability to keep things straight financially. She still writes checks and pays her bills. It is an important step to retaining independence. Every few months, a bill gets misplaced, but it's not that often and she usually realizes something is wrong with the next billing...just not what happened. Of, course, that's when I get called in. (What she doesn't know is that I check her bank statements online to monitor payments to utilities). Today, though, she produced bank statements and other financial information to an insurance agent who cold called her.

When Mom told me about this, I was stunned. We had talked about NOT giving out personal information to anyone. She seemed to feel this was different,and although she told the agent that her daughter took care of her business, she said "I knew you'd be mad". I wasn't mad, Mom. I am scared. I feel that you are so happy to talk to someone, you can be coerced, ever so innocently, into giving private information to anyone. You don't stand a chance against a real con artist... and I don't know how to protect you without taking away your independence. . As I said in my venting session to my husband, I feel as if I'm the parent, BUT I'M NOT!!

Safety at Home

As I've grown older,I notice my steps are not as sure as when I was young. Walking over uneven ground outdoors, climbing up steps, getting in and out of the bathtub, are all activities that leave me unconsciously reaching to steady myself.

When we remodeled our master bath, we installed grab bars, thinking ahead for the years to come. Although my husband and I were still 20 years from retirement, I quickly knew they were a real blessing! Down the road, there are other locations throughout the house where I envision a grab bar to be added.

Many safety issues in the home become apparent when we are caregivers to the elderly. Because some of our parents have poor eyesight or body's ravaged by arthritis or other health problems,several things can and should be done to increase mobility if the aging are to continue living alone.
These are: 1) Ensure proper lighting.
2) Make the floors non-skid
3) Install grab bars where there's danger of falling
4) Make the main rooms level;eliminate steps where possible
5) Make doorways and hallways wide enough to accommodate wheelchairs
6) Investigate technology for lowering or raising counters and cook
surface
The demand for aging in place will undoubtedly continue, so modifying your home to meet the demand makes sense all around.

Tax Time

Income tax preparation time is one of my least favorite times of the year. And I'm 99.9% certain I'm not alone.

I have business expenses and income statements to prepare for my accountant to get the business taxes filed in March, then tackle our personal taxes due in April. The president's tax initiative has put another spin on how I spend my time this weekend. The elderly who don't file tax returns each year have the chance to receive a rebate with one catch. They, too, must file a tax return for 2007. My husband will take care of his parents( currently 87 & 88 years of age) this time, and I will see to my mother's return. I hate to pass it on to my accountant. It can't be THAT difficult...can it? Good luck to you all in the same boat.

It's Hard to Find Good Help

As the months go by, I am encouraged by professionals and organizations sprouting up across the country and taking an active interest in our aging society.

When I left my 9 to 5 job several years ago, I intended to run my business and act as a care coordinator for the elderly. As a long distance caregiver myself, I knew the challenges of finding dependable, honest and knowledgeable help. What I discovered was that everyone thought of me as a social worker and most of the services I provided went unpaid. Geriatric case managers have increased in numbers since then (at approximately $75 to $250 an hour, depending on the location). Many organizations are available for online information as well. But the affordable care coordinator still remains illusive to the majority of families who desperately need the services.

My advice to those searching for affordable care and in home service is to ASK FOR and CHECK REFERENCES. Even if the person or business is just starting out in eldercare, check references from a previous employer, minister or neighbor. Someone must know them well enough to say they are honest and dependable. If not, DO NOT HIRE THEM!
It is sad to say, but too many people take advantage of our elderly or abuse them in physical ways which never get reported until much later. Check on your loved one frequently and if you are unable to do it yourself, ask someone you trust to check on them for you. If you belong to organizations or church groups, ask people you know for referrals. It's one of the best ways to do business and get the best care for your loved one.

Coming Soon: Family & Friends of the Aging Online Support Group. We'll have members from across the country, referrals in all areas and the support you need! Stay tuned!!

Fund Raising in 2008

Tonight I attended a major fundraiser for The Soup Kitchen in my city. The affair is casual, attended by a list of who's who mixed with the regular "joe", all of whom care about the poor and economically depressed in the city. The funds raised at this event serve the needs of the homeless and unemployed as well as Meals on Wheels, a service to the elderly and homebound who often have to choose between buying medication or food to survive.

I am proud to serve on the Board of Directors of CCMI (Community Cooperative Ministries). CCMI operates the Soup Kitchen, Meals on Wheels, Hands and Hearts Montessori School, and Faith in Action, transporting the aging to appointments, grocery shopping and other errands. Our number of individuals served is showing phenominal growth. Currently, this is affected by the economic conditions in our area, and while I am pleased we are able to meet the challenge of steadily increasing meals to serve and increasing food and fuel costs, it is a sad commentary on the state of our local economy.

Thank you to all who contribute to our community and to our cause. God Bless you.

Slow Medicine

There are times I wonder what it must feel like to be 85. Most of those times are when I take my mother on errands or when we take our 1 mile walk around the neighborhood.

Mother has begun using a cane some. I wish she would use it all the time, but she feels self conscious about it. She has a knee disfigured from arthritis and every once in a while, it gives out and she catches herself before she goes down. Any time we walk without the cane, I walk arm in arm with her. It's reassuring for her and I naturally slow down to accommodate her gait.

Slowing down is something we should all remember when dealing with seniors. I read an article online in the New York Times health section recently that talked of a book written by a doctor with his own mother in mind . The book called My Mother Your Mother embraces "slow medicine" as Dr. McCollough calls it. Dr. McCollough is a geriatrician and has several good ideas on the compassionate approach to caring for the elderly. Check it out and let me know your thoughts.

Never Too Soon to Plan

My sister and I began talking with Mom and Dad about health proxies and power of attorney long before Dad spent his final years in a wheel chair. Rheumatoid arthritis struck at age 45, followed in later years by strokes and other conditions. Our mother became his primary caregiver. My sister and I both lived hundreds of miles away from our parents. This made it even more important that we talk about what their preferences were as age and illness progressed. Like many other seniors, they wanted to stay at home as long as possible. Insisted on it, in fact. We looked at their financial information, insurances, health plans, wills and every piece of the puzzle to plan for the years ahead.

Boomers everywhere who have elderly parents need to initiate the conversation on living preferences and care BEFORE it becomes necessary. According to research by the AARP, too many still wait until a crisis strikes and try to make major changes to our loved ones lives. It's not always easy, I'll admit. If Dad doesn't want to discuss it, work on Mom and try to ease into things. Gather articles from the newspaper or the internet on topics you want to discuss with them. Use these while you talk or leave them to read at a later time. There may not be as much resistance as you think once you break the ice. Knowing how to plan can give enormous peace of mind to all involved.

People Who Need People

Everyday in the newspaper and on television, we see ads for dating services or other matchmaking services. Singles groups are organized in our churches along with support groups for divorced men and women. People everywhere are lonely. And for various reasons. Many of our older generation experience loneliness due to isolation while caring for a loved one. This can go on for years! Families live at a distance and older friends have their own infimities or have passed on. Many find themselves unable to tell loved ones or doctors of their loneliness and depression becomes very real. The University of Chicago recently reported a study showing that not all lonely people need other people. They attach an object or pet with humanlike qualities and this substitution provides the social support they need. I know having a pet can be a joy for some while others must find another substitute. What's the old song? Oh yea, "People who need people...are the luckiest people in the world. " Be a person someone needs today. Spend some time with them or make a phone call. You'll be surprised how good it makes YOU feel.

Understanding Medicare

This time of the year can be confusing for those of us who have loved ones over age 65 on Medicare. There are so many health plans being dangled in front of our elderly, they hardly know which way to turn! If your loved one is not represented by an agent you can trust to explain your options in a clear and concise manner, I would advise you go to www.medicare.gov for help. All medicare approved health plans are listed by state and county, with links to benefits, providers lists and more. Between January 1st and March 31st, 2008, those currently enrolled in a medicare health plan may change plans ONE time, so understand what the premiums are, co-pays and deductibles, as well as what the prescriptions drug costs are since they have to live with it until next year.

A closer look at Mom and Dad

How the holidays have changed for those of us whose aging parents live more than a thousand miles away.

Although I talk with my own mom nearly every day by phone, there’s nothing like a personal visit to give me the real picture of just how she’s doing—how forgetful she’s becoming, how she’s getting along physically.

The Lawrenceville, Kansas Journal-World offers some excellent suggestions for children of aging parents, including how to recognize certain problems and what to say and do.

It’s difficult to be so far away from the ones you love and respect, and I’m fortunate that my sister, in the same town, is caregiver to my mother. It gives me peace of mind but doesn’t negate my own responsibility.

For now, that has pretty much become daily phone calls giving Mom a chance to talk as her physical limitations begin to impact how much she can socialize with others.

As we look ahead to a year of uncertainty, I can only say: Thanks, Sis, and happy New Year, Mom.

--Alene Archer, Board Member--Family & Friends of the Aging

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2007/dec/24/gatherings_afford_chance_ensure_mom_dad_doing_ok/?city_local