And Promises to Keep

It is common for family members to make promises to loved ones about their future care. The most common promise is that they won't ever move a loved one to a nursing home. Other promises may include keeping their parents together if one of them needs care, or that they will always be the ones to provide care for their aging relative. These promises are almost always made in good faith, with full intention of honoring them.

Unfortunately, we can't always foresee the future and circumstances change. Almost always, this leads to enormous guilt about the inability to uphold the promises. I would encourage you not to make promises of this type, no matter how well intentioned. Instead, promise your aging relatives they will always be provided with the very best care for their needs at the time. This type of promise assures them you are looking out for their needs, and is less likely to cause guilt and resentment on your part when the time comes.

Shopping with Mom

If you are a caregiver responsible for taking your loved one grocery shopping, I feel for you.

My mother always makes a list, not always a complete list but most items are there. Today, the list was longer than normal. Fortunately, I wasn't buying groceries for my family. It's been a little over two years that I've been driving my mother on errands, and I've learned that it just doesn't work to do my shopping at the same time. I usually take her list and go up and down the rows, pointing out what she wants, then step back and allow her to reach for things and look at the products, moving on when she is ready.

In the past, we tried just going to the items she intended to buy. Bad idea. Inevitably, she remembered something she wanted 2 rows back and I ended up running around the store like a crazy woman, trying to get back to her before she moved on and I couldn't find her! Yes, that's happened several times. And inspite of my best laid plans, it happened today.

How she got from the cereal aisle to the produce section so quickly is beyond me! She and I feel more comfortable when she is holding onto the cart. She must have felt secure because when I caught a glimpse of her, she was moving at quite a good clip! When I caught up with her, she calmly informed me she had come to meet me so I didn't have to backtrack. I didn't have the heart to tell her she had turned the wrong way from where I was at the other end of the store! Just another day in the life of this mother and daughter! I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Safety at Home

As I've grown older,I notice my steps are not as sure as when I was young. Walking over uneven ground outdoors, climbing up steps, getting in and out of the bathtub, are all activities that leave me unconsciously reaching to steady myself.

When we remodeled our master bath, we installed grab bars, thinking ahead for the years to come. Although my husband and I were still 20 years from retirement, I quickly knew they were a real blessing! Down the road, there are other locations throughout the house where I envision a grab bar to be added.

Many safety issues in the home become apparent when we are caregivers to the elderly. Because some of our parents have poor eyesight or body's ravaged by arthritis or other health problems,several things can and should be done to increase mobility if the aging are to continue living alone.
These are: 1) Ensure proper lighting.
2) Make the floors non-skid
3) Install grab bars where there's danger of falling
4) Make the main rooms level;eliminate steps where possible
5) Make doorways and hallways wide enough to accommodate wheelchairs
6) Investigate technology for lowering or raising counters and cook
surface
The demand for aging in place will undoubtedly continue, so modifying your home to meet the demand makes sense all around.

Poll on Drugs

Recently, USA Today reported the results of a survey among Americans on their feelings toward drug companies, drug costs, and other cost related concerns. Conducted jointly by USA Today, Kaiser Family Foundation and Harvard School of Public Health, the survey found that while Americans greatly value the prescription drugs benefits for their families, they believe the drugs cost too much and struggle to pay for needed medicines.

While the public values the drugs and the benefits they supply, they do not like what they charge and are suspicious of their motivation. Nearly eight in ten Americans say that the cost of prescription drugs is unreasonable, and seven in ten say pharmaceutical companies are too concerned about making a profit and not concerned enough about helping people.

For more results from the survey,go to www.kff.org/kaiserpolls.

Live-in Caregivers

Canada is experiencing a unique demand in the Nanny industry. According to a CBS news report, live-in caregivers are in hot demand and not just for childcare. Elder care live-ins are being brought in from foreign countries to satisfy the requests of more and more families of the elderly.

Full time caregivers can be had by this method for around $1700 a month. Keeping a senior in a private care home can amount to $3000 a month or more. Caregivers.ca, an agency based in Toronto that recruits and screens caregivers for both child and elder care, say that is just one reason for the current trend. "You can ensure your parents are treated well, and it's not always the same case when you're giving your parents into the hands of an organization or institution" says Andrea Texeira, spokesperson for Caregivers.ca. She also reports that 75% of their calls these days are for live-in elder care.

PBS Special Comment

For the most part, I think the special "Caring for Your Parents" aired on PBS last evening was a good representation of what millions of families are going through.
Some people may be shocked by the day to day routine that is part of caring for your parents if you are not already into the situation. This was real life, not a movie.

Caring for loved ones can be a stressful and emotional experience. It can also be one of the most rewarding times of your life. One piece of advice I have stated in past blogs and was repeated on the program would be planning BEFORE a crisis strikes. It helps avoid the "unknown" situation, and gives the family an adjustment period
that fosters security, both for the parent in knowing they will be cared for, and the family in knowing how they can help.

I can't stress this point enough. Talk to your parents and know their wishes. Make your plans together. For more help with this or other questions on planning, please contact me at lmorrison@ffaionline.org.

PBS Special

If you haven't already heard, PBS is airing a two-hour special on Wednesday night called "Caring for Your Parents". In the program, they will be talking with actual caregivers about their situations and experiences. Following the program, there will be a 30 minute panel discussion by doctors and other experts that I hope will give more useful information and not just the same rhetoric we hear everyday. Of course, there may not be anything different to tell us. That remains to be seen.